Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The struggles of a small town man whore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize