Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
