I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
