Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
