Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
