I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
