When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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