chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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