You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
