Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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