remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
