It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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