i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
