You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize