hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Come share oat with me in your robe
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
