My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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