At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
