I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize