New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
