I'm gonna have a badass scar
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
