I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
