I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
