I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
