just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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