turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
