Your mouth is God's brothel.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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