im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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