Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
