Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize