Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
