His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
