You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
