covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
