just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
