dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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