Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
