I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
