i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
