im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
