Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
