i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
