I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
