At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
