So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
