If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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