and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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