your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
