The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
