some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
