your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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