She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
