Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
