thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
