Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
