**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
