put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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