So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
