1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
