I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Two words: nipple clamps
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