I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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