Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
