peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
