um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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