OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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