just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
