Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
