I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
