That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
