New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
