Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
