I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize