Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
