I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
