thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
