Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
