In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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