dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
