we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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