New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize